Now, where was I?

After a 15 hour flight with an hours stop over in Sydney, I was suitably knackered as we pulled into LAX. To my surprise the customs and border security types were not the horror story I've heard others having to suffer. I had six hours in LA and no real desire to leave the airport as it was hot and humid outside, so I spent the first hour checking my bags and exploring the terminals.

Having done that I went through the security cordon, put all my gear (including my shoes) through the X-ray machine and went and got something to eat. I found my terminal, surfed the 'net, made a phone call home, wandered to another terminal and had a beer while watching NASCAR (gives you an idea how bored I was) and gradually the hours ticked away.

Boarding time (YAAAAARRRR!), the person says when we board it will be first class, then people at the back of the plane to come on first. Then nothing.... ten minutes later "I apologise, it appears we have a problem with the plane, we shall try to rectify it and notify you when we do".

Anyway, long story short. Six hours, three promised planes, a near riot in the terminal and two phone calls to Tone later at 10.30pm (two hours after the time we would have landed in New Orleans) we leave LAX. Delta sucks fat ones people, bear that in mind.

So I arrive in New Orleans at 4.30am (+2 hours for crossing the country) on Monday and poor Tone (who was going to meet me at 12.30am) picks me up and takes me back to his place an hours drive north on Lake Ponchetrain, in new Mandeville. I say hi to Buffy, give Tone his and Ems presents (five litres of Milo and roll on deoderants that Em can't get in the USA) but Em is away in Florida with her parents. Tone gives me the tour of the house and let me tell you it is absolutely fecking HUGE! Six large bedrooms, two bathrooms, three toilets, massive living area, study, kitchen and dining area. I'll have to get the video I took off Tone and post it somewhere so you can have a look.

Now Tone has an hour before he's due at work, so we take Buffy for a walk around the golfcourse his house backs onto and I make dew angels on the fairway. Tone cleans himself up, gets dressed for work and leaves me to my own devices in the house and tells me not to fall asleep until that night. Hundreds of channels of cable TV and broadband internet hundreds of times faster than anything we get in Australia and I'm happy.

After eating breakfast, watching a movie, about two hours of YouTube clips and about half an hour of NFL preseason, I fall asleep on the couch around 3pm. Tone gets home at 6 to find me still there. Well, can you blame me? I've had about six hours sleep in the last two days.

We go exploring as Tone shows me what life is like around the rather affluent, but with some distinct redneck area of semi-rural (but semi-urban) Louisiana. It's a bizarre mix of stand alone shopping strips (each with its own car park) and no footpaths, HUGE houses on HUGE blocks with HUGE cars and road rules that make me spend the first couple of days flinching every time we reach an intersection or turn a corner. Tone takes me to a bar in old Mandeville (which I think has infinite more charm- and footpaths) and we have a beer and hamburger (both of which were quite nice) before cruising home for the both of us to have a really good nights sleep.


The Tuesday we're up bright eyed and bushy tailed to go shopping. Firstly we stop in old Mandeville and have brekkie at a local cafe. I'm hungry so I order a side of mushrooms, sausages, hashbrowns, bacon and toast. It arrives and I realise there's a reason so many people in the US are obese, the servings are fucking ENORMOUS! My mushrooms arrived covered in cheese and swimming in a garlic butter sauce in a dish I swear I could've swum in. I battled manfully but was thankful that Tone had brought Buffy along as she scored most of my bacon and sausages.

And while we're on bacon, I have to say US (and north American in general) bacon sucks the big fat pink one. It's the equivalent to the thin strip on the end of the bacon we have in Oz, but with the fat cut off. Then they fry it to within an inch of its life. I'm looking forward to some fat arsed Australian rasher bacon when I get home.

After this I'm a bit hairy having not shaved for three weeks due to a rash. Well, the rash has cleared up so I go to the local barbershop for a trim and shave. Tone takes Buff to the lake for a swim and eventually I get in. I have a great chat with the barber about Australia (it's as big as the US but only has 20 million people), sport (we both agree baseball sucks, he because of steroids while he loves the local College football team, LSU) and life being born and living in Mandeville and how it has changed with all the new development around it. He also gives me a good trim, which impressively includes my eyebrows and nostril hair. If thats a standard, I might have to find me a good barber in Australia.

Following waiting outside for a while in the air condidtioned car, I finally depart with Tone as he takes me to Best Buy and I get a spanking new digital camera with a case and 4GB memory card for less than I could get it for in Australia, including exchange rates. Then I buy some sunnies and I'm set. Following this Tone tells me to pack a day pack with two days worth of clothes as we're heading off to New Orleans for a mystery flight.

That afternoon we arrive in New Orleans and Tone does a scoot around the areas that were pasted by Hurricane Katrina, including a drive past the section of the levee that broke. It was pretty eerie seeing the still abandoned houses with the cross and symbols that designated the house had been searched and what was found painted on the outside.

We pull into the airport, park the car, head to the terminal, walk straight past a line that would have taken about an hour to get through to electroncially check in with SouthWest (travelling with carry on ROCKS!) and we're set. A beer in a bar later and our plane is called. As Tone had checked in online the day before, we get our choice of seats and despite having landed 15 minutes beforehand we're soon taxiing our way down the runway on our way to Orlando, Florida. WE'RE GOING TO DISNEYLAND!

I just have to note that when flying Southwest we had no hassles or delays at all, our flights were dirt cheap (thanks for that, Tone) and as Tone swears by them, I'd also recommend Southwest if you're travelling in the US.

So at around 9.30 we pull into Orlando and are picked up by Em and taken to our hotel. I meet Ems parents once more and we all collapse for a good nights sleep before hitting the parks.

To be continued.

Okay, time to pull the finger out

Back once more. I really should start writing what I've been up too before I forget it.

Left Gero, flew to Perth, plane to Sydney (bloody Qantas sending Melbourne frequent flyers through Sydney) is delayed.

Nothing to do in the Perth terminal. And I mean nothing. They've taken out the internet terminals and are playing the Footy Show on the terminal televisions. I don't feel like a televisual lobotomy, so for about three hours I stalk laps of the terminal muttering under my breath. A good way to bring yourself to the attention of security (particularly with a fairly overgrown beard due to not being able to shave due to a rash) but perhaps they thought I would detonate myself if approached so I managed to avoid any troubles.

Finally get on the plane, land in Sydney, transfer (sprint between terminals to arrive at the Melbourne flight just as it's boarding) and safely touch down in Melbourne. I am met by a slightly sweaty but beautiful nonetheless, Shaguar. She arrived at the airport to discover the plane had just landed.

After finding my baggage hadn't arrived with me, we departed, after being held up by several swarthy looking men wearing black hats, chaps, spurs and carrying Colt 45s (would you believe a machine with Pay for Parking Here written on it?) and headed back to the Shaguars abode. What followed was a lovely, lazy day, keeping warm in front of the heater and eating some seriously good take away Thai. My baggage was even delivered by a rather nice rake thin Indian chap, wearing the whole headgear and bindi shebang.

Saturday morning we got packed up, dressed up and cruised into the city to have the big Richards family Yum Cha. Birdie num-nums is all I will say. With Mum, Aunty Lel and Marg, Uncle Andy, Clare, Ness, Hugh, Karen, Angus and Davey it was the first full family get together we've had in a mighty long time. Poor Sharon being inundated by Richards, but she stood up exceptionally well (in fact, seemed to quite enjoy herself) and even scored some nice duty free Jurlique from Nessa as a bonus.

Following lunch Sharon and myself bade farewell to everyone and headed to Sam and Nirvanas in Sale. A leisurely cruise out along the Gippsland Highway/Freeway to Sale, then turning off to Golden Beach to be met by Sam, Nirvana, Matt and his new girlfriend whose name escapes me (I'm terrible with names). Golden Beach is a beautiful little seaside hamlet set in amongst the near beach brush and trees, about a half hour drive from Sale, serviced by a General Store and a Fish 'n' Chip shop.

Sam and Nirvanas house is a nice, big seaside shack that obviously became someones folly. Two stories with a firemans pole to get from the top floor (the sleeping area) to the lounge if you so wished. It had that air of an unfinished house just awaiting someone with enough money to come in and complete what was started on it.

A lazy night in eating cheese and pasta, drinking beer (or wine for those more sophisticated amongst us), sitting in front of the heater and talking crap ensued. Also Matt and Sam engaged in a competition to see who could scale the Bat Pole, leading from the upper story to the lounge room. Guitars were produced and songs sung towards the end of the night before we all climbed into bed for the night. Marvelous stuff.

A slow morning on Sunday which included a venture forth by the men of the clan to find firewood in the Flog (Sams new VeeDub). A leisurely day of further talking rubbish and eating, followed by some sterling kitchen work on Nirvanas behalf. Jamie Oliver move over.

A pit was dug on the next block for a fire- it's a vacant block, we weren't setting fire to anyones holiday home- and we started on the firewood we bought earlier in the day along with a stack of wood that was felled by a storm a couple of weeks earlier. We moved a stack of chairs outdoors and sat around the fire in the late afternoon and into evening, eating, drinking and talking rubbish.

After the sun had set and all the alcohol in the house had been consumed, Matt was similarly consumed by pyromaniacal urges and decided that all the firewood on the block must be burnt at once. Sam protested, expressed his concerns and then joined in, throwing any scraps of wood that Matt may have missed onto the raging inferno. It was quite an impressive sight from the road (the threat of third degree burns or the block going up in flames had nothing to do with us watching from there- not at all), although I was concerned at having such a large fire at such a late stage of the night.

Then I found out it was 8.30pm. That's what happens when you kick off at 4 in the afternoon.

Monday morning Sam and Nirvana surfaced early and disappeared off to work while the rest of us took off for the journey back around 9. After dropping off Matty, Sharon and I headed back to Coburg. We headed to the cinema (I think it was Monday) and caught the afternoon screening of The Simpsons Movie. Meh, is about all I can say. Very few laughs and a not particularly brilliant storyline. After that was a night of Sharon and I watching Top Gear and just enjoying spending some time alone together.

Tuesday morning the Shaguar dropped me off at Spencer Street on her way to the giant checkerboard and I caught the train to the 'Bool. An easy three hour trip later and I'm met by Kaz and the boys (sounds like an 80's Pop band). Nessa was at the 'Bool as well, so the boys had no shortage of attention. I spent a happy couple of days hanging with everyone, including a day that Hugh took off work, and indulging in the pleasure of having two highly excitable young boys to play with. Much Thomas the Tank Engine did ensue.

My visit also included being woken at 8am each morning by Fireman Sam yelling WAKE UP UNCLE NOOKE! at me then him jumping up and down on me when I ignored him. This would degenerate into me tackling both Fireman Sam and his offsider Elvis, pinning them down under the guise of me giving them a hug and trying to catch an extra couple of minutes nap before they'd start wriggling and complaining.

Alas, all good things must end. So with heavy hearts, Nessa and myself boarded the train back to Melbourne for Ness and Geelong for me. I was off to visit Mum for her birthday. I gave her the fish patê dish that Sharon bought her (which sat perfectly with the rabbit, duck and chicken she had sitting on the dividing wall between the kitchen and lounge) and the battery powered crumb vacuum cow I found in a homeware store in the 'Bool. Then Mum and I had a lovely day of just hanging out and relaxing.

Early the next morning (Friday) I jumped the train to Melbourne back into the waiting arms of the Shaguar. For the next two days we really didn't get up to much (other than buying industrial quantities of Milo and roll on deodorant for Tone and Em in New Orleans). We cruised into the city and saw the Pixar (Toy Story, Monsters Inc. Cars, etc) exhibition at ACMI and the Guggenheim exhibition at the NGV on the Friday but other than that we just enjoyed being a couple prior to yet another forced separation (this time until Xmas).

Sunday morning it was early out to the airport, booking in and the inevitable wait prior to the plane boarding and heading off to the USA. Which will be the subject of my next blog entry (some time in the near future) when I get motivated to write some more.

More than anything, my time back in Melbourne surrounded by family and friends just drove home how much I miss the place. Gero is lovely and I've enjoyed my time there, but it's not home. Gimmie a year to finish what I'm currently working on and I will finally be back where I belong.